Relationship Tips

Things guys do in P0RN that they definitely should not do IRL

The adult film industry is both a magical and truly terrifying place. Get your p0rn-searching skills down, and you can avoid all the nasty stuff no reasonable human being would want to watch. Get it wrong, and you could be watching hours upon hours of hairless vulvas being pounded by pen!ses that are approximately five times the size of the orifice they’re attempting to enter.

 Here are 16 things guys do in adult films that we really REALLY hope they do not do In Real Life. P.S. this list comes with a caveat: obviously some women absolutely love to do the following acts, and that is totally their prerogative and we love them all for being so in touch with their s.e.xual wants and needs. But dudes need to know it’s never, ever ok to do any of those without getting permission or consent first. That’s, like, the number one rule of s.e.x.

1. Come on your face. Little do you know these eyebrows are drawn on and took bloody ages. Spunking on our faces without prior permission will not only make us feel degraded, used and absolutely livid, it’ll leave us looking like hairless human eggs. Is that really what you want?

2. Go straight for an@l. Mate, can you not though? Sure, if you’ve chatted about it beforehand it’s no issue. But a) expecting us to just take it and b) not properly preparing the area (repeat after me: lube is god) turns you into a grade A douchebag/s.e.x criminal.

No Thanks

3. Rub your vulva like they’re sanding wood. If that’s worked for them in the past then sure, I can see why they might think that ‘technique’ (term used incredibly loosely) is worth a short. But, and now this may come as a surprise to some, we are sensitive living creatures with pain receptors. And for quite a few of us, that’s going to be a 12/10 on the pain scale.

4. Call you a b*tch/s!ut/wh0re. Name-calling and degradation can be all manners of fun in a safe and consensual environment. But so many dudes in p0rn go in there all ‘b*tches’ blazing before they’ve even asked the woman’s name.

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