Losing your virginity is and has always been a big deal in many different cultures. But there are a few things I wish I would’ve known beforehand.

Losing your virginity is such a personal story about a powerful time in your life. Everyone has a different experience and you’ll never get to “redo” that moment. That being said, there are also a lot of commonalities amongst the newly deflowered.


Although you won’t lose your virginity at the same age as someone else or even in the same way, you still have something in common with them: after you’ve done the deed, things are *very* different.

What I wish I—and you probably wish you—knew before saying goodbye to virginity

Now, I guess you could say that I got “the talk” at some point in my very early adolescent years, but it was nothing close to divulging everything I wish I would’ve known. My mom really only covered the basics—all things I had learned in health class the year before.

But what I really wanted—and sort of needed—to know were all things I didn’t find out until after I had lost my virginity forever. So here they all are, laid out in their truest form: the dirty truth about losing your virginity that no one—not even your best friend—told you.

#1 Ladies: it hurts, but not as much as you think. There is this huge misconception about how painful losing your virginity is. Honestly, it does depend on each person, because no one’s bodies are the same, but the movies and stories you’ve heard have been dramatized a bit.

This is especially true if you’ve engaged in other sexual activities prior to intercourse—which most people have, since it’s a natural progression. It will hurt a little and you’ll feel some pain, but it’s usually brief and not as bad as you expect.

#2 It’ll probably be really, really awkward. I won’t sugarcoat this too much. Sex for the first time is just awkward. You’ve never done it, it’s physically uncomfortable *for the ladies*, and you’re suspended in a very vulnerable state for some time. It’ll be a little awkward at first. Luckily, it does pass.

#3 You actually have to be prepared. Now, I don’t know about any of you, but when I lost my virginity, I was at an age where I was definitely not allowed to have boys in my room with the door closed… which means we had to really plan out when we were going to do it and where it was all happening. That’s not even to mention protection and birth control—all of which had to be taken care of beforehand.

#4 It won’t be good. At all. If it is, then you’re extremely lucky or just don’t know what “good” sex feels like yet. And you shouldn’t, because it’s your first time. Because it’s physically uncomfortable for the ladies, it usually doesn’t feel all that great. And for you fellas out there, it might feel good to you, but won’t be very good in any other sense of the word.

#5 You will feel completely different. Even though this is a typical and cliché point, it’s true. Afterward, you will feel like a different person. Being vulnerable and giving yourself to someone in a way that you’ve never done before is going to take a toll on your psyche—and not necessarily in a bad way.

losing virginity


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