The term nymphomaniac has been used to describe a woman who has an extremely high and uncontrollable sex drive, yet very few people know the term for men with the same sex appetite.
Satyromania explains the male version of nymphomaniacs, but the word is largely spoken in our language because of the politics of gender and sex that see women with healthy sex appetites vilified and wrongly labelled as nymphomaniacs or called ugly names.
Despite society casting aspersions on women who love sex, we spoke to two women who say they are too sexually liberated to be controlled or censored by conservative opinions. They say this is the age for women who love sex as much as men to be unapologetic about their sex drives.
Debrah, a 24-year-old retail manager from Johannesburg, says she considers her sex drive to be higher than average.
“Well, I love sex. I really do. The feeling of being in the act is awesome. There is nothing like it – from beginning to end,” she says.
“I can stick to one partner, but if he isn’t good in bed it’s ‘bye bye’ for me. I love good sex, and guys who cannot keep up with me are excused, and quickly,” she says.
Debra explains that she started exploring her sexuality after she got tired of “routine” sex.
“I just got tired of routine sex. I realised that men can be very selfish, and some never care about us reaching an orgasm or not.
“I got tired of men who think that one lick will suffice before they proceed to the missionary position until they are satisfied.
“So I decided to own my sexual pleasure. I started watching porn and found new ways to make my sex life more exciting.”
Debra’s sexual liberation has not been without hiccups, as she admits that she often scares off men who cannot keep up with her.
“The first time I make love to a man, they will be shocked, I (can) go on for long periods, and I’m always in the mood,” she reveals.
Another disadvantage, Debra explains, is that society is brutally harsh on women who own their sexuality.
“Society tends to think that women who love sex are loose, and have slept with more than 50 men or been in threesomes (and) gang bangs. When men own their sexuality, they are seen as heroes.”
For Princess, a 28-year-old publicist, owning her sexuality is something that she is completely unapologetic about.
Princess admits to loving lots of sex and can do it three or more times in a day. She says foreplay is not even necessary.
“Having sex is a great exercise for me. I also love to have an orgasm multiple times,” she says.
Like Debra, Princess says she has had a lot of backlash from friends negatively labelling her a nympho.
“People must learn to keep their opinions to themselves.”
Ladies’ High libido normal
Counselling psychologist Nthabiseng Mogashoa says that while it is commendable for a woman to own her sexuality, it is also vital to know where the increased hunger for sex comes from.
“Yes, it is completely liberating for a woman to want to take charge of her sexual gratification. This is probably a stand that the bra-burning movement in the 1960s would give a standing ovation to. I do agree with the ladies that there is a double standard when it comes to men and women’s sexual escapades, in that one can be applauded for having a high sex drive, and one can be shunned. It’s a patriarchal mentality and it is unjust,” Mogashoa says.
“That said, it is extremely irresponsible to have multiple partners, regardless of which sex you are. There are a lot of diseases lurking out there, and anyone with this type of liberation needs to ensure that they are always tested and protected.
“One needs to also know why they are so highly sexual, as there could be a number of factors at play. One could be hyper-sexual, a form of sex addiction, and would require therapy,” she adds.