Troubled muso, Bonginkosi “Zola” Dlamini is crying out for help.

The 39-year-old says his life is now a mess and that misfortunes torment him at every turn.


The reason for his suffering is not amadlozi, ancestors or anything of the sort.

He says it’s the dreaded Illuminati!

Zola said his life is a flop because he refused to join the infamous Illuminati. And apparently they would never leave him alone because his talents are just what they need for him to be working for them in exchange for all his material wishes.

“They want me to sell my soul, they have approached me numerous telling me to reconsider or my life will keep on crumbling down. They even went on to mention some popular artists who are making it big with them. Of course I won’t mention the names, but you would be very surprised that most of the newcomers on the scene are part of that evil cult. But not me, they will never get me!

A deeply depressed Zola added that he had decided to quit Kwaito thinking they would leave him alone but alas they keep tormenting him.

Zola claimed that he now fears for his life given the persistence and ‘crazy’ demands of the Illuminati.

He is appealing to prophets such as Mboro and Bushiri so that at least he can get some sleep at night, a luxury he hardly gets to enjoy these days. “They pay me(Illuminati representatives) random visits at night, tormenting me, whenever it gets dark, I dread sleeping, for I know my troubles would have started. If you can please get the Prophets to help me, even powerful Sangomas, I don’t mind, I just want to be at peace again.

Zola furnished us with the Illuminati representatives’ contact details but we were too scared to establish contact with them by the time of writing this satirical piece.

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