That famous line from a book by a man (Tale of Two Cities) about how “it was the best of times, it was the worst of times,” or whatever is, in my opinion, actually about having boobs. There are such wonderful benefits to having a pair of playthings affixed to your chest. But then there are the dark moments (PERIODS). Either way, having boobies is like being part of a fun, exclusive club and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
1. Taking my bra off at the end of the day is the second-best feeling to taking your ponytail down at the end of the day. Ok or maybe it’s better. Either way, it’s literally just as good as everyone says it is, if not better.
2. They are transitory and move around and sometimes I don’t know where they went. Exhibit A is when I lay down on my back and they seemingly disappear into my ribcage. Boobs, where u at?
3. When I run down the stairs, I honestly don’t notice that I’m holding them. It’s just an involuntary response, I’m not feeling myself up for fun, it’s a strategic move.
4. One is bigger than the other and I will NEVER TELL YOU WHICH ONE IT IS. This is true for all women and anyone who says otherwise is lying to you.
5. I love to play with them just as much as you do. Just like Tigger sings about his tail (sorry for bringing your childhood fave into this boobie list), “they’re bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun!” I sometimes catch myself adjusting a boob or resting my hands on them in public without knowing how my hands got there at all. Nice to know they’re still there, hangin’ out on my chest.
6. All those cute little lace bralettes are pretty but do literally nothing for me, support-wise. It’s like wearing a couple of paper doilies over my nips. Cute, festive, but not at all practical.
7. I probably check out other women’s boobs more than you do. No, I’m not a perv (ok I’m a little bit of a perv) but it’s nice to know what other ladies are working with. Gotta keep myself in the loop, ya know?